“Bush Theme” My Ass

Here’s what there’s no goddamn way in hell the well-dressed man will be wearing for the Spring & Summer 2010 season:



Thanks Dean and Dan, you’ve captured the essence of the Canadian male. Chumps.

Scraped Something Off My Shoe

Thinking about the lowest forms of life on the planet, I came up with a short list:

Let's start with cockroaches and chiggers. Nasty critters.

Then there's ticks and leeches and other disgusting things that suck my blood. Not lovable.

Way below those, we find tapeworms and similar intestinal parasites. If they occupied the stomach you could at least throw them up.

Finally, way below tapeworms, we find the pimp. Pimps are so revolting, they give tapeworms enough confidence to romance lady tapeworms, ensuring their survival. Thanks, pimps.

If you see a pimp, be sure to squash it. But try not to look at it too closely.

It’s Just a Little Rain

Probably everyone knows by now that the notion that the Inuit have twenty words for snow is a load of crap. However, you may be unaware that Vancouverites have twenty words for rain:

• rain


• drizzle


• showers


• sprinkle


• downpour


• liquid sunshine


• bullshit


• oh my god, it’s raining AGAIN


• I can’t take any more of this shit


• we’re moving to Phoenix

And several more. It’s a fascinating cultural phenomenon.

Canadiantiresucks.com

Just when I thought the shopping experience at Canadian Tire couldn’t get any worse:

The other day I tried to buy a $14.99 discounted Xbox game with a bunch of other stuff at the Canadian Tire on 7th and Cambie (Max Payne 2, if you’re interested). Of course they’ve streamlined the checkout process there, so we were forced to use the self-checkout. By “use” I mean “fail to use,” since it never works. The very harried staff person who is required to be there to help everyone get through the checkout mess started trying to scan our stuff and get us out of there, until she got to the game. Repeated attempts to scan it failed, until finally she said it wouldn’t scan at all.

Then she said, “Do you really want this?” I was taken aback—did she really just ask me that? I did what you or anyone else would have done—I looked her in the eye and said, “Yes.”

She responded by trying to impress on me how long it would take to get the item added to my bill: the extra staff that would have to be summoned, the levels of managerial clearance to be negotiated. Finally I gave up and told her to keep it.

I wonder how many dollars of business Canadian Tire loses every day because their user experience is so bad?