Comeuppance

We were watching the inaugurals this morning and caught a really brief glimpse of Dick Cheney being whisked somewhere in a wheelchair (had to rewind a couple of times to make sure it was him—thanks Tivo). The official explanation was that Cheney had “strained a muscle in his leg/back/posterior,” but of course I didn’t buy that. I made a few phone calls, and my suspicions were confirmed: when Satan came to get the soul Cheney had promised him, some nerve damage occurred as Satan ripped Cheney’s soul out through his spinal cord.

My Predictions for 2009

I predict that like last year, a vast community of “experts” will earn a decent living making predictions ranging all over the map, all equally wrong. Since exceptions are the rule, some experts will naturally make predictions that will turn out to be right. I predict that like last year, those experts will be the ones nobody listened to. I for one have had it up to here with “experts.”

If we care to be that reflective—and you can call this a prediction if you like—we can infer from this situation that humans as a species are doomed to stupidity and short-sightedness for some time to come. Like apes on a Jäger binge, we’ll charge around all higgledy-piggledy, barking our shins on the furniture before passing out, to wake to whatever future is borne out by our antics. Then we can jump up and down and hoot that we never saw that coming.

As for 2008, I can say that I don’t recall ever being so happy to see the backside of a year. Adios, amigo.